Thinking About Writing
It seems that in order to have some kind of something I will need to have something new every day.
Conscious Growth
I think that there is an underlying cowardice that frames most lives. I read about a hero who thought himself free of fear. One day something happened to shake his confidence, and ever after he lived in fear of being afraid. One of his friends tried to be helpful and told him that everyone is afraid all of the time.
I remember nodding when I read this. I knew, and I hate this about me, that this was true for me, even if it wasn't universally true.
I thought a lot about this over the last few months, and I have to think that there are two factors at work.
Let's leave aside for now, by the way, the truth that fear is worthless. We're all gonna die anyway, so what does being embarrassed or sad or scared matter in the long run?
Factor 1: Anxiety is a survival mechanism designed to keep you on your toes in a deadly world. Well, I am not out hunting kangaroos so I don't need the adrenaline and other stress chemicals. I don't want them, either.
Factor 2: Anxiety is an awesome excuse to keep from doing things. You and I both know that I should be doing something, yet here I am, doing nothing. This leads to stress and the uncomfortable feeling that comes from uncompleted tasks. So, to make myself feel better, I can blame some free-floating anxiety instead of taking responsibility for my actions or lack thereof.
Anyway, I think it's funny sometimes to think about myself as a random collection of energy that happened to happen, the way lightening might happen to happen. From there it is fairly easy to gain some needed perspective on whatever is making you scared or upset.
More on the energy thing later, but as a placeholder, think of how silly it is that something as inconsequential as yourself seems so damned important. All you gotta do is be, and the rest just is, which kinda has to be OK, because how can it be anything else?
On Writing
It seems that having someplace to write where there is a blank slate is the opposite of inspiring. Having said that, it's important to realize that it can't be anything but OK.
OK, I’m Gonna Get This Puppy Goin
A few days of work will set my site up the way I like.